Post by Dismal Pillock on Oct 27, 2024 23:33:44 GMT -5
This is some grim, grim shit but somehow I can binge the ever-loving shit out of it like almost no other TV show.
I think it might be the comfortingly predictable nature of the virtually interchangeable episodes. The most procedural of procedurals
Anyway, this telly show is highly addictive for the following reasons listed below in easy-to-follow bullet point format;
- they let you know who the baddie is early enough in each episode.
- ergo, you don't have to think.
- they always catch the baddie.
- they are all geniuses.
- they use mind profiling in the brain.
Annoying bit for me is the thin millenial floppy-haired "genius" know-it-all dude has a voice like a woman. Not that that's a bad thing but it's a specific woman. The boss woman from Silicon Valley. Goddamnit he sounds exactly like her.
Dumbarse me took 2 full seasons to realise the new boss guy was Fat Tony in the Simpsons. Oh well, at least I got there in the end.
S4 got a bit soppier, went the chick route a bit, relying on emotional sookery. I think I might actually be watching the ball getting dropped as it happens.
The woman agents in this are completely interchangeable and forgettable and indiscernible from one another.
Bossman Agent Hotch is rad. Mega-stern and frowny, he never smiles. He might well be The Most Serious Man In All Of TV.
The one brief moment, in 15 years of episodes, when Agent Hotch
almost smiled. Captured for posterity here in GIF format.
I can almost follow by rote the procedure of each episode now:
- Start with scary, clangy "industrial" soundtrack and blurry pics of gorgeous woman imprisoned.
- Cue the team assembling
- Team private jetting (??FFS) to crime scene and getting
- Team deal with thick local coppers.
- Get chubby blonde Garcia on speaker, she half-solves the case.
- Team debrief local pigs in big meeting room. Agent Millenial Haircut 100 pipes up in know-it-all chick voice and no one ever laughs.
- Get chubby blonde Garcia on speaker, she solves the case.
- Team storm baddies place, rescue the chick and take baddie into custody/baddie blows his own brains out.
- The End.
- 10 minutes of ads while I take a piss then its back on the sofa for next episode, rinse repeat.
"Do we have any info about the baddie at all?"
"No, but we can assume he is white, male, mid 30's. He is quiet in libraries but occasionally gregarious when in the company of others, particularly when under the influence of alcohol. He likes pina coladas and making love at midnight. In the cool summer rain."
"Just ran all that through the system and I've got an address".
"Let's go!"
"Someone somewhere just got kidnapped".
"Hmm. I believe our unsub is a white male in their mid 30's. He has 2 sisters but just 1 brother which explains his impotency. He once suffered a traumatic episode in his early childhood. He builds model aeroplanes in his spare time which explains his need to control his environment. I am thinking he also has an identifiable birthmark on either his left or right forearm".
"Just traced his address from a credit card purchase at a model aeroplane shop".
"Let's go!"